


Unmarked

by Aaron_The_8th_Demon



Series: Holding [5]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Metaphors, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 06:10:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18204560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaron_The_8th_Demon/pseuds/Aaron_The_8th_Demon
Summary: Called up from Providence, there's nobody like him in the NHL... right?The Bruins might have something to say about that.





	Unmarked

I’m so nervous… of course I’m nervous. I think this is the most nervous I’ve ever been.

But it’s not only for the obvious reasons. Because, yes, I’m a call-up from Providence. If I do alright, I could get called up again. I want so much to do well. To be a player for the NHL - it’s my dream. It’s been my dream since I was five years old and went to my first game with my mom and my grandpa at TD Garden. All of this makes me nervous.

But I’m also nervous because… these guys don’t know me. I know what you’re thinking - well, of course you’re nervous about that, kid. Everyone’s always nervous meeting new people… but here’s the thing. It’s not even just that. And it’s not just because of who these guys are. Bergeron, Marchand, Krug, Rask, Wagner… these guys are my heroes! (I would’ve loved to meet Chara too, but he retired a couple years ago, so…) But they don’t know me. And when they see…

Look, okay, I’m… I’m Unmarked. In school, it made me feel different from everyone, because Unmarked people aren’t that common. I think I only saw one other person in middle school who’s Unmarked, and - thank god - there was another boy on my high school team who was Unmarked. I felt like such a freak in college, and then even in Providence until my team got to know me. They figured me out, that I’m not all that different from them.

This isn’t Providence. This is Boston. These guys don’t know me, they’re my heroes, and I need to make the best impression I can so that maybe,  _ maybe, _ I’ll be called up again later. I want so much to be good enough. I know I’m not that special, I’m probably just another defenseman to them. But at least for right now, I’m a defenseman for the Boston Bruins, who I grew up watching from my family’s shitty apartment in Natick. I’m also a freak of nature and even after being accepted in Providence I’m still not quite over this fact that I’m Unmarked. Everyone in Boston is Marked but me.

Meeting them the first time - I’m fucking starstruck. I try not to look like too much of an idiot, though, as I smile at everyone, shake hands. Patrice Bergeron is my captain, at least for right now, and meeting him, knowing I’ll get to play on the same ice as him, is an amazing feeling. And then of course there’s Brad Marchand, who doesn’t shake my hand so much as grabs me and squeezes the life out of me. I’m not sure why I’m getting hugged by this legendary pain in the ass, but I can’t help loving it, because he’s another one of my heroes. An alternate captain is hugging me and I’ll never get over it.

I’m so scared as we’re gearing up for practice. Someone’s going to see, everyone’s going to stare. Everyone always stares at me the first time when they see. I try not to panic, I’m just putting on my pads like normal… nobody’s looking at me while I pull on my chest/shoulder pads, then my elbow guards. Practice jersey… I’m safe at last.

On the ice, practicing, a lot of them talk to me. It’s all good stuff, too - a new trick for stick-taping, how to not make this one expression that telegraphs my passes. They all seem to want me to do well. One thing does make me a little nervous, which is when - just for a second - it seems a little like Rask is talking to Bergeron about me. I wonder what they’re saying, if I’m too clumsy (it feels like it) or too slow (sometimes it feels like that, too). Then I try telling myself I’m just being paranoid, because I’m nervous about playing for the NHL for the first time. Well, that’s what practice is for. I try to pay better attention after that.

I want to think I’m doing alright, but compared with these guys, I’m six years old learning how to skate again. I want to do well, but I’m such a klutz. I look around, as discreetly as I can, while I’m lacing up my sneakers: yup, just like I thought, everyone’s Marked but me here.

Then, when I’m getting up to leave, Bergeron sits next to me, even though he’s already dressed and it’s not his stall. Things get scary when Marchand drops down onto my other side. That’s when I realize everyone else is leaving, in fact, like two guys are on their way out (one of them is Rask) and all the others are already gone.

Bergeron tells me to relax, I’m not in trouble, they’d just like to talk with me about something. I look between them, and even though Marchand is shorter than me, I’m still looking up to him the way I always have. Bergeron, too (I’m not taller than Bergeron, I’m 6 feet even and he’s 6’1”).

Bergeron says that yes, Rask was talking to him about me earlier, just like I thought. It’s like my (new… temporary… whatever) captain has read my mind. He says Tuukka noticed me acting nervous, and they want to know if I’m anxious because I’m Unmarked. I’m so scared, now, because my team’s leaders know I’m a freak.

Marchand tells me to calm down, because it’s not a big deal. I go from scared to angry but I try to hide it, they both demand my respect just because of who they are. Instead I ask why they think it’s not a big deal, when I’m not like anyone else. The world around me was designed for normal people, for Marked people, who were born with someone the universe designed to love them. Technically speaking, it has no bearing on how I live my life and play hockey, but… when people find out, everything changes. They’re not used to people like me. I make them nervous, because a lot of people have never met someone who’s Unmarked. They’ve heard of guys like me, but never seen one for themselves.

Marchand and Bergeron both wait for me to finish, then share a look and roll up their sleeves in one motion.

They’re both Unmarked.

Just like me.

One of the most famous (or infamous, depending on who you ask) couples in the NHL, who’re not only line mates and incredibly effective together on the ice but have also been married for years, is a pair of Unmarked.

I wonder why nobody says anything about it. How have I never heard of this? I can’t help asking, and Marchand laughs it off, because there are so many better reasons for idiots to hate him than just being Unmarked that nobody cared. Where his husband, on the other hand, is so damn perfect that nobody noticed. Bergeron snorts, rolls his eyes, and insists he’s not perfect for what’s probably the ceremonial one millionth time.

Bergeron talks more seriously than the alternate captain about this. He tells me that they wouldn’t have called me up from Providence in the first place if they didn’t like what they saw, and that even if I never get called up again, I should know that I’m not alone. There are plenty of Unmarked guys in the NHL, both past and present… and he asks if the names Alex Ovechkin, Mark Recchi, Evgeni Malkin, and Jaromir Jagr sound familiar.

Marchand chimes in again, saying I have no reason to feel like a freak except that probably other people have treated me like one since I was a baby. And that I was right about what I said, how - functionally - it has no effect on how I live my life and play hockey. And nobody here is interested in whether someone else’s name is on my arm, so long as I can play.

I’m so happy I could cry. Bergeron slaps me on the back and Marchand hugs me the same way he did in greeting today. The game hasn’t even happened yet, but I feel like… I can do well. They brought me here on purpose. I almost don’t care if I never get called up again (okay that might be a lie… just a little… I would love to get called up again), because I get to be here now. Two of my heroes, hell, two of the  _ best players in hockey, _ have told me I’m allowed to exist and play alongside them.

I’m still Unmarked… but I’m not a freak.

I’m normal.

I’m a defenseman.

I’m a Bruin, if only for a couple days.

I’m human.

**Author's Note:**

> So, the metaphor here is pretty obvious. Please don't hold that against me. I apologize for it being in first person, but I didn't see a way around it, because the character presented here isn't supposed to be named.
> 
> Kudos are nice but they're also a little bit of a cop-out. Please comment.


End file.
